Harmony

Little Pictures Have Big Ears!

Many years ago when I was much younger, I recall my parents using code language when talking to other adults.  They would spell words until I was able to put together the letters into words.  They would say the phrase "little pictures have big ears."  I would hear that and with a perplexed look on my face say "what"?  

Little pictures have big ears.  After a little while I understood...children hear and comprehend much more than we think.  Adults perceive that if they speak in a quieter tone then the kiddos can't hear...false belief much of the time.  Again , I remember being in a car with my parents and they would whisper in the front seat and think we could not hear...and much of the time we could.

Proof of this was presented again on Sunday.  My 8 year old grandson sat next to Grandma during services Sunday morning.  While the sermon was going on we gave him a pad of paper to keep him busy.  I saw him writing but paid no attention until after the service and looked at what he wrote.  Here is it.  Great sermon notes:

So parents, be aware...they see much more than we think.  They hear much more than we know.  They understand much more than we fathom.  Life affects our children. 

Every word.  Every glance.  Every discussion about money.  Every comment about a politician or leader.  Every discussion about the church.  Every slanderous word about a friend. 

Every loving word towards a spouse.  Every kind comment about their friends.  Every blessing of praise about the preacher or elders.  Every meaningful statement about the driver who just cut you off on the freeway.  EVERYTHING!  Little pictures have big ears.

Emotional Intelligence: Social Awareness

This is the third blog post on the concept of Emotional Intelligence.  Daniel Goleman has studied, researched and written exhaustively on Emotional Intelligence.  In my current graduate class I am reading some of his material as it relates to leaders and how they handle organizational change.

Emotional Intelligence is defined by Goleman as "the ability to manage ourselves and our relationships effectively - consists of four fundamental capabilities:  self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skill.  Each capability, in turn, is composed of specific sets of competencies."

Social Awareness:

    "Empathy:  skill at sensing other people's emotions, understanding their perspective, and taking an active interest in their concerns."

    "Organizational awareness:  the ability to read the currents of organizational life, build decision networks, and navigate politics."

    "Service orientation:  the ability to recognize and meet customer's needs."

Every interpersonal structure has a social environment.  The ability to be aware of other people, their needs, and understanding group dynamics is key for a healthy situation.  I have been in churches and businesses in which people are very unaware of the social situation and reek havoc on everyone. 

Some perceive it is all about them and what they feel is the path to follow.  Selfishness in the home, church of business only breeds manipulation and other narcissistic behaviors.  Jesus was amazingly aware of the social dynamics of his disciples and people with whom he interacted.  He did have a clear vision of where he was going, but did not shove it down people's throats.

The ability to understand how to relate to people who have a choice to come into your social circle is vital.  Guests who come into a community of believers are very keen on how they are treated and whether they are perceived to be important.  It is very easy for church leaders and members to focus mainly on pleasing the already saved, rather than setting a table for the guest to enjoy the feast.  Members obviously are going to be fed, but also are feeders of guests.

So...how is your emotional intelligence in this area of social awareness?  When you arrive at the community event on Sunday and Wednesday, how prepared are you to be a part of the feeding of others?  

The story only God knows

This week marked the deaths of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson as well as untold others around the globe.  And more will pass from this life tomorrow.  What we see of a persons life is just a fragment of the real story going on...the story only God knows.

While driving through Phoenix the other day I was explaining to my oldest son that in every car around us was at least one story that only God knows. 

We passed a car with a man, woman and two children dressed in a suit and dresses.  No smiles.  No talking.  I wondered...where were they going and what was the occassion on that Tuesday morning.  Only God knows.  What was each of their stories?

In another car was a young lady laughing as she was talking on her cell phone.  What was her story?  What was going on in her world?  Only God knows.

In my car was a 51 year old  married man, a 28 year old single man, a 14 year old boy, and an 8 year old boy.  Each one with a different story.  Each one presenting a life with much more beneath the surface.  Only God knows the stories.

Ed's life was filled with times of joy and sorrow.  Some of the story we knew.  Some we did not.  The story of his life made him into who he was.  And only God knew the real story.

Farrah's life was filled with times of joy and sorrow.  Some of the story we knew.  Some we did not.  The story of her life made her into who she was.  And only God knew the real story. 

Michael's life was filled with times of joy and sorrow.  Some of the story we knew.  Some we did not.  The story of his life made him into who he was.  And only God knew the real story. 

Our story does not give us excuses to live the life we want.  We are given the opportunity by God to change and enjoy the life he blesses.  Our story is what we must deal with and continually give to God so that he is in control of all.

But understanding that everyone you meet has much more going on beneath the frown or smile.  Only God knows the whole truth...the whole story.  And only God can change that life.  So let us be story tellers of what God has done in our lives.

Which club do I choose?

I have been a part of churches and various business organizations and witnessed the importance and value of effective leadership.  Leadership is about moving an organization forward towardits desired end.  A leader seeks to motivate employees or church members to see and experience what will happen when the organization fulfills its goal.

Daniel Goleman shares the results of research done by a consulting firm Hay/McBer revealing 6 distinct leadership styles.  These individual styles have an impact on the atmosphere of an organization.  Most leaders mainly operate in one particular style, but also float into the others depending on the situation.  Effective leaders utilize at least 4 of the styles.

The styles are as follows: 

    Coercive leaders demand immediate compliance.

    Authoritative leaders mobilize people toward a vision.

    Affiliative leaders create emotional bonds and harmony.

    Democratic leaders build consensus through participation.

    Pacesetting leaders expect excellence and self-direction.

    Coaching leaders develop people for the future.

Changing situations require a different leadership style.  People in an organization require various leadership styles to motivate them towards excellence.  Not everyone is the same.  Judgments are made of leaders based on their own perspective of what they need or desire in a leader.  It is like playing golf.  In a golf bag are various clubs that serve different purposes.  Leadership styles, like clubs, are pulled from the mental golf bag and utilized in the most appropriate situation.

This is why businesses and churches struggle in selecting a leader.  Every minister who leads an area of a church has people in that ministry who thrive and enjoy the leadership style and others who struggle with cooperating in the leaders efforts.  Ministers must understand that people are motivated differently and adapt their leadership style to guide in the most effective manner.  Church members must understand that their motivational style may be different from the leaders and not judge or condemn.

Leadership is not easy especially in an altruistic venture like a church.  It is not like a company where you can motivate people with compensation and stability.  Cooperation, teamwork, humility, and a God vision of the world and church are essential to forward movement.

In the past 10 months I have been able to witness a leader I truly admire for the way he keeps the vision of the church forefront in the minds and direction of the staff and membership.  He is able to utilize various leadership styles to encourage staff members according to their style of motivation.  He is not distracted by the "flies" and problems that rise from time to time.  He is an effective leader. 

If you are a church member, pray for your leaders.  If you are in a company, pray for your leaders.  If you are under the authority of a President, pray for that leader.

Emotional Intelligence: Self-Management

This is the second blog post on the concept of Emotional Intelligence.  Daniel Goleman has studied, researched and written exhaustively on Emotional Intelligence.  In my current graduate class I am reading some of his material as it relates to leaders and how they handle organizational change.

Emotional Intelligence is defined by Goleman as "the ability to manage ourselves and our relationships effectively - consists of four fundamental capabilities:  self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skill.  Each capability, in turn, is composed of specific sets of competencies."

Self-Management:

    "Self-control:  The ability to keep disruptive emotions and impulses under control."

    "Trustworthiness:  A consistent display of honesty and integrity."

    "Conscientiousness:  The ability to manage yourself and your responsibilities."

    "Adaptability:  Skill at adjusting to changing situations and overcoming obstacles."

    "Achievement orientation:  The drive to meet an internal standard of excellence."

    "Initiative:  A readiness to seize opportunities."

As you evaluate your EQ the above qualities are able to be seen in the life of Jesus.  Everything he did demonstrated a high level of control, integrity, adaptability, excellence, and the seizing of opportunities.  Follow the link below for a co-mingled version of various EQ tests to see your EQ.

http://psychology.about.com/library/quiz/bl_eq_quiz.htm

Rest

I love my job.  I enjoy the people I work with.  I thrive on the challenges that seem to constantly be thrust onto my plate.  I enjoy solving problems.

I love time off.  And I really love getting out of town on vacation.  My wife and I went away for a few days last month to Lake Tahoe.  My oldest son and grandsons are with me in Sedona this week for 3 days.  I love vacations.

It is not necessarily about the scenery...even though today's sunset was stunningly breathtaking.  It isn't even about family even though I thoroughly enjoy every moment.  It is about rest.

When God told the Israelites to rest on the sabbath there was to be nothing done.  No cooking.  No cleaning.  No plowing.  No traveling.  Can you imagine such a day?  What would you do if you actually practiced that for one month.  Every Saturday, or whatever your day off is, you did no work of any kind.  What would it do for you?

I imagine it would be life changing.  On the trip to Lake Tahoe after a day or so, our minds were so free of work and responsibility that we were able to evaluate our life.  Direction. Responsibilities.   Choices.  Patterns of behavior. Our marriage.  Children.  Everything that was important was able to be seen in it's reality.

I am looking forward to that at about noon tomorrow.  Evaluation time!  Rest.

Maybe God knows what he is talking about.  There is a reason for rest.  It serves a purpose.  It allows the important to again rise to the forefront of our minds, because while we are busy we basically become functioning robots.  God has so much more planned.

So try it.  You'll like it.  It will be hard at first.  But force yourself to rest.  And enjoy the waves of God's values washing over you.

Emotional Intelligence: Self Awareness

Daniel Goleman has studied, researched and written exhaustively on Emotional Intelligence.  In my current graduate class I am reading some of his material as it relates to leaders and how they handle organizational change.

Emotional Intelligence is defined by Goleman as "the ability to manage ourselves and our relationships effectively - consists of four fundamental capabilities:  self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social skill.  Each capability, in turn, is composed of specific sets of competencies."

Over the next few days I will share the list of competencies under each capability.

Self-awareness

• "Emotional self-awareness:  the ability to read and understand your emotions as well as recognize their impact on work performance, relationships, and the like."
• "Accurate self-assessment:  a realistic evaluation of your strengths and limitations."

• "Self-confidence:  a strong and positive sense of self-worth"

How well do you read and understand your emotions?

How well do you recognize the impact of your emotions on your work performance and relationships?

What are your strengths?

What are your limitations?

How do you define yourself? 

Do you have a strong and positive viewpoint of who you are?

Follow the link below for a co-mingled version of various EQ tests to see your EQ.

http://psychology.about.com/library/quiz/bl_eq_quiz.htm

1 in a Million

A good friend of mine went to the doctor Friday morning with pain in his lower abdomen.  After too many hours they finally diagnosed it as appendicitis...sent him to the hospital for a 20 minute routine surgery.

That is not what happened!

When they perform surgery, they put you to sleep administering a drug to paralyze your body to insert a breathing tube.  In the vast majority of people this paralyzing drug wears off after 8-10 minutes.  But in extremely rare situations the paralysis may last a few hours.  My friends lasted 18 hours aided by a little morphine and some other sleeping agent/pain killer given early Saturday morning.

When I heard of the non-routine situation I got to the hospital and sat with the family and my friend.  The older I get the more emotional I am and so my prayers were mixed with choking back tears.  I had not planned on seeing my great friend lying in a hospital bed with a breathing tube for at least another 25 years.

1 in a million!

They kicked everyone out of the room.  He woke up.  The tube was removed.  The next scene was the nurse appearing in the waiting room and telling us he was sitting up in a chair and wanted to see us.  Praise God.  The conversation was refreshing.

Father...thanks for sparing my friend and being the 1 in a million!

Dad Renewal!

Father's Day, like Mother's Day is a mixed bag of emotions for many people.  Some people were blessed to have dynamic dad's who filled many of their emotional needs...provided Godly discipline and loving direction. 

Some were fatherless.  That does not mean that there was no "man" in the house.  It means that the "father" relationship left scars and empty places in the soul of the child.  Those holes cannot be filled even though many children will seek other avenues and social interactions to cover the cavern.

Many "fatherless" children will grow up and replay the drama of their own lives.  The very character traits that left chasm's and that they hated, will be repeated with their own children.  And so the sins of the father are passed on from one generation to the next.

As the commercial says "stop the madness!"  How?  I doubt there is a single father who begins having children with the desire to "screw-up" their kid.  Every father promises his wife, child and God..."I will not repeat what I have experienced."  The failure rate is high, but it can be done, but not alone.

God can enter a fathers life and change character traits and heart crushing behaviors.  The struggle will be daily but well worth the effort.  The long term effects of loving with the heavenly Father's love will change lives and "stop the madness!"

For all the dad's, including myself...give yourself grace and mercy...God does!  Be sure to recommit yourself to the 3 C's:  Closeness, Compassion and Care.  Be willing to apologize for past behaviors and move forward.

Keep your eyes on the one Great Father...God in heaven.

Forgiven much...loves much!

They could not have been more opposite.  He owned a home.  She wrecked homes.  He invited people in.  She invited men to a hotel.  He spent lavishly on meals.  She gave her body to make money for meals.  He had a religious degree.  She was from the school of hard knocks.  He slept in his own bed.  She slept in other men's beds.

If you were to ask anyone in town who was more right with God...hands down he had the vote.

He invited Jesus to dinner with other guests.  Slipping in past the guards was the woman of the streets.  She immediately went to Jesus.  She fell to the ground at his feet.  Her flood of tears soaked his feet.  Her hair became a towel.  She wiped clean the dust from his tired feet.  The host of the evening, Simon, was looking around for a way to remove her, but she stayed. 

She anointed his feet with an oil that probably cost several nights work.  Simon's thoughts should have never entered his head...Jesus heard the harshness of the judgments. 

Then Jesus turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet."

"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much."

"But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

In order to begin to experience a love that never quits we must first recognize how much we have been forgiven. 

That is your "God Story".  How much has he forgiven you?  Remember that reality as you interact with others.  It will make a difference.