Ever hear those phrases spoken about others? Ever had those words said about you? Ever been a part of categorizing someone else in this way?
It is easy to get into those slanderous ruts. We spend most of our time in some kind of interpersonal relationship and when we interact we perceive intentions. Conflicts are natural, but often we label another person because they have a different "style" or "method" of dealing with life and situations. We often see people through the lenseof how we see ourselves. If they don't match our style then we frequently label them as difficult or obstinate.
When someone communicates words, facial expressions, sighs, and gestures they are communicating from their frame of reference. They have a message they desire to send. When we hear and see their communication we hear it from our frame of reference...usually not theirs. The other day I was sitting in my office and heard another staff person sigh heavily...my interpretation was that this person was frustrated, because I have memories of hearing heavy sighs and it being a prelude to an angry event. My perception was incorrect.
So how do we change our interpretations? There is no easy way as words, gestures, and facial expressions are tied to memories and so our natural instinct will be to interpret from our frame of reference. However, we can change our response and second level interpretation by understanding the other persons frame of reference as they communicate. For example, a husband and wife may have very different frames of reference as they communicate about finances. The wife may have experienced being questioned on every dollar spent, so when he brings up a discussion in this arena he must choose words carefully to minimize the initial natural response to have a productive conversation.
Love and respect for the other person is the guiding principle. Seeing people from God's point of view is the framework to interpret the communication of others.
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