I love to tickle my grandchildren and even occasionally my grown children. Everyone once in a while I tickle my wife, but she often threatens me (in a loving way) when I do so. I remember as a child my parents and grandparents giving "zerbets" or holding me down to tickle me until I curled up in a ball laughing out loud.
In yesterday's blog post, I wrote about the benefits of laughing but here is some new research on laughing in relationships from Psychology Today: "of all the elements that contribute to the warm atmosphere of a good relationship, there is one that seldom gets translated into advice or even therapy, yet is something that everyone desires and most people would like more of: Laughter."
"It's a safe bet that most of the laughs married couples get come from TV laugh tracks, not from each other. They don't emanate from the relationship. More important, they don't feed it. And if the jokes that make the rounds by email are any gauge, often they are at the expense of it."
"But homegrown laughter may be what ailing couples need most. Uniquely human, laughter is, first and foremost, a social signal--it disappears when there is no audience, which may be as small as one other person--and it binds people together. It synchronizes the brains of speaker and listener so that they are emotionally attuned".
"Laughter establishes--or restores--a positive emotional climate and a sense of connection between two people, who literally take pleasure in the company of each other. Speakers laugh even more than their listeners. Of course levity can defuse anger and anxiety, and in so doing it can pave the path to intimacy."
"Most of what makes people laugh is not thigh-slapper stuff but conversational comments. Laughter is not primarily about humor, but about social relationships."
"One of the best ways to stimulate laughter--and it's probably the most ancient way--is by tickling. Tickling is inherently social; we can't tickle ourselves. We tickle to get a response. Or to entice ticklee to turn around and become tickler. Not only do most people like tickling--ticklers as well as ticklees--most recognize it is a way to show affection. What's more, adolescents and adults prefer to be tickled by someone of the opposite sex."
"Tickling is probably at the root of all play and it is inherently reciprocal, a give-and-take proposition. In other words, it exactly represents the basic rhythm of all healthy relationships. Not to mention is triggers sexual excitation in adults. But tickling declines dramatically in middle age. People begin a gradual tactile disengagement. Tickle, touch, and play, so critically intertwined, all go into retreat, although these behaviors are at the root of our emotional being."
"So the next time you have an argument with your mate, don't walk out of the room and slam the door. Try tickling your partner instead. It won't make problems go away. But it can set the stage for tackling them together."
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