Boundaries are good and essential. Boundaries define what does and does not belong to you. As a young boy I remember my dad and other men putting up a large fence around our backyard. When we moved in there were no fences between any of the yards. For children, like myself, that was a blast...wide open space. For adults trying to protect us, it was a nightmare.
Boundaries take time to establish. As the men put in the fence I had a chance to help use the post hole diggers. I recall the difficulty in trying to hit the hole again with the digger and then scooping out the dirt. Hours were spent digging, pouring cement, placing boards and nailing them in the proper spot. But once it was complete the boundary was established. Well, at least for a little while. Now it was something to climb on and over.
Healthy relationships have boundaries. A personal protective space and guidelines to follow in dealing with others. We do not approach each other and ask "how much do you make?" We do not seek private information about credit scores, voting patterns, giving amounts to church and so on. Unspoken, universal boundaries!
At times we do like to crawl over into each others space, even when the boundary lines have been established. My rights to know invade your space for privacy. My need to control invades your area of control. My desire to take back an area I have given to you creates conflict. Sometimes we may need to renegotiate the boundaries again.
Boundaries are good and important. Parents, spouses, children, and leaders in every category of life experience conflict when others attempt to cross the pre-established fence lines. Ignoring the crossing only leads to greater frustration. Swift handling of the "invasion" is necessary to regain position. As a child, my brother and I would cross the middle line in the backseat of the car. Immediate disruption took place. I would attempt to regain my space. He would attempt to regain his space. It always ended with my parents retaking their space (and peace and quiet) by clearly defining the line or the car would be "pulled over."
Boundaries are good and essential. Notice where your boundaries are. Notice where others boundaries are. Ask if the boundaries you have set are healthy for you and others. Ask if you need to set more clearly defined fences. See if your boundaries are controlling another's personal space in a way that is destructive to them and you. Redefine lines so that conflict is diminished.
What boundaries have you established that others try to cross?
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