In the wake of the Amber Dubois and Chelsea King tragedy, it is important to help children and teens to cope with the situation and find healing. In high school, one of my closest friends, skipped school one day to go swimming. He jumped into the reservoir and never came up. The loss was life-changing. Obviously God and prayer are essential, but God also placed other healing tools into our world and so I'd like to suggest some positive ways to help children and teens deal with a senseless loss like Chelsea's.
1. Let teens share their grief. Telling them to be strong and not discuss the event only leads to more complex reactions that may reveal themselves at later times. Teens have complex feelings during those formative years and being told to "be strong" does not help. Mourning is a process given us by God. Allow it to take place. Give them consistent and compassionate support during this process. In this sudden event, teens may face a more deep and intense sense of disorientation.
2. Make sure they have support to discuss and share their thoughts and feelings. Some teens may not have an adequate social circle for support and so parents and adults may need to step forward to provide what is lacking.
3. Extra help may be needed. Dr. Alan Wolfelt provides the following symptoms to watch for:
- symptoms of chronic depression, sleeping difficulties, restlessness and low self esteem
- academic failure or indifference to school-related activities
- deterioration of relationships with family and friends
- risk-taking behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse, fighting, and sexual experimentation
- denying pain while at the same time acting overly strong or mature.
There are multiple opportunities for helping services. Professional therapists, school counselors, church leaders who may be able to help parents and teens to work through their grieving process. Don't be afraid to not know what to do and to reach out for others who have been trained in this arena. Peer support groups are also an excellent opportunity to help a teen cope with their emotions.
3. A proper adult response is necessary for healing. Adults may have learned to cope with tragedy by being strong and tough, however a teen has not learned those coping mechanisms and will need to be able to express themselves and grieve. Teens need to know it is alright to have emotions at times like this and that the feelings won't last forever. If the emotions are ignored, teens may actually feel more alone and isolated.
4. Understand the depth of the loss. For a teen, a loss like this situation is shattering. Dealing with grief is multifaceted. Not all teens will react the same. Grief is a normal expression of a love for a person or situation. Teens do not choose between grieving and not grieving. Help them with love and understanding. God will use you in these moments to provide comfort and support. There are no easy answers even from scripture for situations like the King's are experiencing, but God does comfort his children.
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